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Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Swimming with the fish...

Well, well, what do you know!
The sun is out. Yeah, you heard me!! The sun is out.

Why, hello, sun! How do you do? How nice to finally make your acquaintance. I’ve heard a lot about you from my friends - the ones who live in different time zones, that is...
But, seriously - I can hardly believe my eyes. Not only is it not raining in London, but the sun is out (yup, I'm going to keep saying that, stop me if you can). What a sight for sore eyes, honestly - I'd virtually forgotten what colour the sky is meant to be. 

And it’s perfect timing as well because I was all ready to jump into the Thames and end it all if there’d been one single more day of rain.
Methinks, if I am to drown anyway, I might as well drown properly.
And the fish would have been rather delightful company. I like fish, you see – they’re my friends.

So I had it all worked out and I was very serious about it too.
And that, my friends would have been, that.
Goodbye and thank you for reading me.


Aren’t you lucky, because it is not so.
The sun is out.
And I am intact.
And you can read me, forever more.
And isn’t that just swell?

Except the fish don’t get to have me anymore.
Poor unfortunate souls.
Your gain is their loss.
We were so looking forward to chatting late into the night.
But alas! It is not to be

So I’m going to put them of their misery. 
Post haste.
And Crumb Fry them instead.

Here’s what you need:

- 800 grams fillets of King fish (6-8 fillets depending on size)
- Juice of 1 lime
- 5 tbsp corn flour
- 2 tbsp grainy mustard
- 2 eggs
- 1 ½ cups bread crumbs
- Salt, to taste

By the way, I use Panko breadcrumbs, which (based on trial and error. Umm...LOTS...of error) has happily resulted in an end product that is crispier, crunchier and lighter and – very important – not greasy.

Because grease (unlike greed) is not good.
Definitely not.
(I crack myself up.)

Here’s how you do it:

Marry the fish in mustard, lime and salt for a few hours.
Meanwhile, beat the eggs well in a large, shallow bowl. Because eggs were born to be beaten, poor things.

Now for the assembly line setup that will make Toyoda-san (of Toyota fame) proud:

Please lay out, in shallow dishes, the following, in the specified order...
1)    Corn flour
2)    Beaten eggs
3)    Breadcrumbs

(My cooking methods are very scientific)

Now, in order, please dunk the fillets, first in the corn flour, then in egg mixture and then finally in the bread crumbs. Make sure they are completely coated. Naked fish are not attractive. And we don’t work with anything that is not attractive. We are vain like that. Never believe people who tell you that true beauty lies on the inside. No, no. no.

Once you've realised the truth of that and it's all sunk in, nice and deep, get out a frying pan.

Heat some oil in the pan and drop in the fish in batches – listen to the wonderful crackle and stop when the fillets are fryer-fresh and caramel brown. Drain on a paper towel and serve hot off the pan, accompanied by my version of tartar sauce…

Here’s what you need – (never thought you’d ask!)

- 200 gram natural yogurt
- 50 gram crème fraiche
- 1 tbsp fresh coriander, chopped
- 1 ½ tbsp of fresh mint, chopped
- 2 cloves crushed garlic
- Salt and fresh cracked pepper to taste

Mix the lot together and that’s all, folks!


By the way, the husband came home and – between bites of the crisp golden morsels – told me not to jump into the Thames, even if it rains again tomorrow, because if I did so, he would miss me very much indeed.

Aww, isn’t that sweet?

And wait – it gets better. He said that if I still insisted and jumped in after all, he’d be forced to jump in there too and rescue me.

I got all choked up at this point.
Unable to speak.

And then, he explained why.

“Cause thish shtuff is thoo yummy for wordsh and if you jumped into the Thamesh there’d be no one to make thish for me”

(I do so love unique compliments, don’t you?)

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