Pesto.
Say that word. No really, say it out loud. Feel it on your palette, the sound of those letters. Pesssto...
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Pesssto...
Yeah.
Now, pesto, if you haven't figured it out by now, is a man.
See, I have this thing about my condiments being gendered. It helps me in the kitchen when I think about them this way. It gives them personality. And personality is necessary. It's about the only way you can get food to come alive.
So, for example, ketchup is female, mustard is male. Tobasco is male, sweet chilli sauce is definitely female. Mayonnaise, female; soy sauce male.
Get my drift?
You're shaking your heads right now, I see it, I see it.
I don't blame you, really.
I am a proper raving lunatic, sometimes I wonder how I'm even allowed to roam free.
But stay with me, people! Madness is more fun in large groups.
Yup...
So.
Moving on.
Pesto is male. Deffo.
And the beauty of this particular male is his versatility. Which sounds a bit like virility. Which isn't a coincidence at all.
Nosiree.
Because, pesto, you see, is a special sort of man, a kind of magician, really. He morphs from one thing to another effortlessly - he's a marinade, he's a sauce, he's a cooking medium, he's a spread, he's a salad dressing, he's a dip!
He's one thing one day, and another thing another day. I mean, what more could a girl want, than this much variety?
Like really. Think: Do most males have more than one use? (No, really).
Well, this one's got endless uses! A little perspectivity, people!
I'm such a feminist rabble rouser, I crack myself up. Just kidding. I HEART men. I do, I do!
But stop!
Stop
Right
Here
Because, it's important (imho) to know, before delving into everything one can do with this incredible stuff, what this incredible stuff is. See, pesto, more formally known as Pesto alla Genovese is a Ligurian sauce-type mush originating, as its name implies, from, yes - Genoa! (drumroll please) (grazie). Strictly speaking, pesto is a generic term for anything that is made by pounding (etymology: pestare -> pesto -> ground/crush), but pesto, as we know it generically, is really a mortar-and-pestle pounded mixture of basil leaves, garlic, pine nuts, coarse salt, and a mixture of hard cheeses - Parmigiano-Reggiano and Pecorino - all blended together with olive oil.
Yum.
Confession: I don't make it. Though I could. As could you. Anything I can do, you can do better. Trust me.
No really, it's very easy. Just replace mortar-and-pestle with one of man's greatest inventions (no, NOT the potato peeler - the food processor) chuck the above ingredients in and process away. There. Done. Happiness. Great, green globs of it.
But no, I don't make it. Mostly because I don't need to. Because I get this lovely stuff, in the supermarket in this lovely place called England. So I just buy it, unscrew the lid, and then I proceed to OD on it. It. Him. Whatever.
He makes me very happy.
And he's consistent.
He consistently makes me happy.
Which isn't what I've found with most men. That's the real heart of the problem.
Anyhow.
Here's some of what I've done with Mr. Pesto:
1) Used as a dip for an oven warmed, crusty baguette...
2) As salad dressing with rocket leaves and sun dried tomatoes...
3) Spread on pizza crust, a happy substitute for red sauce...
4) Mixed with mayonnaise (yes, male and female makes many fireworks) and spread on a panini...tomatoe slices, cheese, ham. Or no ham. Olives...
5) Mixed into pasta - penne or bowtie. With a drizzle of pine nuts. Salmon. Or no salmon...
6) Fresh tomato salad with mozzarella chunks and this beautiful pesto stuff...
7) Stirred into normal store bought hummus...
8) Dolloped upon ANY steamed vegetable plus a wedge of lemon...
9) As a marinade for most meats before grilling them...
10) Drizzled on top of soups and stews for a delightful basil kick...
Try it. Him.
He's swoon-worthy. He'll give you happiness. Oodles of it.
I'm telling you. And I'm picky.
Especially when it comes to men.
Say that word. No really, say it out loud. Feel it on your palette, the sound of those letters. Pesssto...
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Pesssto...
Yeah.
Now, pesto, if you haven't figured it out by now, is a man.
See, I have this thing about my condiments being gendered. It helps me in the kitchen when I think about them this way. It gives them personality. And personality is necessary. It's about the only way you can get food to come alive.
So, for example, ketchup is female, mustard is male. Tobasco is male, sweet chilli sauce is definitely female. Mayonnaise, female; soy sauce male.
Get my drift?
You're shaking your heads right now, I see it, I see it.
I don't blame you, really.
I am a proper raving lunatic, sometimes I wonder how I'm even allowed to roam free.
But stay with me, people! Madness is more fun in large groups.
Yup...
So.
Moving on.
Pesto is male. Deffo.
And the beauty of this particular male is his versatility. Which sounds a bit like virility. Which isn't a coincidence at all.
Nosiree.
Because, pesto, you see, is a special sort of man, a kind of magician, really. He morphs from one thing to another effortlessly - he's a marinade, he's a sauce, he's a cooking medium, he's a spread, he's a salad dressing, he's a dip!
He's one thing one day, and another thing another day. I mean, what more could a girl want, than this much variety?
Like really. Think: Do most males have more than one use? (No, really).
Well, this one's got endless uses! A little perspectivity, people!
I'm such a feminist rabble rouser, I crack myself up. Just kidding. I HEART men. I do, I do!
But stop!
Stop
Right
Here
Because, it's important (imho) to know, before delving into everything one can do with this incredible stuff, what this incredible stuff is. See, pesto, more formally known as Pesto alla Genovese is a Ligurian sauce-type mush originating, as its name implies, from, yes - Genoa! (drumroll please) (grazie). Strictly speaking, pesto is a generic term for anything that is made by pounding (etymology: pestare -> pesto -> ground/crush), but pesto, as we know it generically, is really a mortar-and-pestle pounded mixture of basil leaves, garlic, pine nuts, coarse salt, and a mixture of hard cheeses - Parmigiano-Reggiano and Pecorino - all blended together with olive oil.
Yum.
Confession: I don't make it. Though I could. As could you. Anything I can do, you can do better. Trust me.
No really, it's very easy. Just replace mortar-and-pestle with one of man's greatest inventions (no, NOT the potato peeler - the food processor) chuck the above ingredients in and process away. There. Done. Happiness. Great, green globs of it.
But no, I don't make it. Mostly because I don't need to. Because I get this lovely stuff, in the supermarket in this lovely place called England. So I just buy it, unscrew the lid, and then I proceed to OD on it. It. Him. Whatever.
He makes me very happy.
And he's consistent.
He consistently makes me happy.
Which isn't what I've found with most men. That's the real heart of the problem.
Anyhow.
Here's some of what I've done with Mr. Pesto:
1) Used as a dip for an oven warmed, crusty baguette...
2) As salad dressing with rocket leaves and sun dried tomatoes...
3) Spread on pizza crust, a happy substitute for red sauce...
4) Mixed with mayonnaise (yes, male and female makes many fireworks) and spread on a panini...tomatoe slices, cheese, ham. Or no ham. Olives...
5) Mixed into pasta - penne or bowtie. With a drizzle of pine nuts. Salmon. Or no salmon...
6) Fresh tomato salad with mozzarella chunks and this beautiful pesto stuff...
7) Stirred into normal store bought hummus...
8) Dolloped upon ANY steamed vegetable plus a wedge of lemon...
9) As a marinade for most meats before grilling them...
10) Drizzled on top of soups and stews for a delightful basil kick...
Try it. Him.
He's swoon-worthy. He'll give you happiness. Oodles of it.
I'm telling you. And I'm picky.
Especially when it comes to men.